Flashbacks

I am having "flashbacks" of sorts the last week or so. Since my birthday,my birthday marks the day that everything really began to unravel. It marks the first time I was admitted to the hospital. I was pretty confident after I left the hospital that first time. How foolish. I have this heaviness starting to take hold again. It's not crushing but but there. I have so much going on but in the midst of it all there will be this day,Ruth's birthday to mark the worst moment of my life!Life proves once again how unpredictable it is. I mean look at me now? 18 months ago none of this seemed at all possible.I am getting married in 11 days,on a full moon of course, for my Ruth.She will have a special chair at the ceremony where I will lay a flower for her on my way down the aisle.I hope that day marks the day I really start over. Love you Ruth!