9 years or 90 years my heart will always ache for you and all the things that should have been. You will forever be that missing part of me.
I love you, to the moon and back.
Saturday, August 4, 2018
Sunday, April 1, 2018
Waves...
Happy Easter. Happy Aprils fools. Today was the first Easter in my life that I wasn't with my family. And only the second Holiday I have ever spent away from them...the first one being Thanksgiving 2009. I didn't feel I had anything to be thankful - that was also the day your Daddy told me that he didn't like me anymore. That I was too sad and if I didn't get over it we'd break up. Pretty sure he already had a plan at that point but that doesn't really bother me anymore because life is as it should be... despite the waves. Today was a big one. Last night before I feel asleep I was watching TV and a man told a story of his baby that was stillborn. That was all it took to enter into my sub conscience and make the dreams come,which lead to this mornings waves. I tried to keep in but the sob escaped and I finally just gave in to it. I will never be ok that we didn't have a funeral for you. I will never get over the decisions I made in the midst of my brokenness that day. Why didn't anyone counsel me? I was devastated,BROKEN and they just said "Ok" I know I have said it before, but I am so very sorry. I'm sorry doesn't come close to making up for it but I hope you understand. Happy Easter sweet girl. Loving you and missing you always.
Mojo
Mojo. My bud. THE #1 boy pal dog. My championship. Funny little man dog. Mojo Mulligan.
He's getting old. He will be 13 this year. He can't hear me anymore. We communicate by hand gestures that I taught him as puppy in anticipation for the day when his world might so silent. He can't hear me call his name so I bang on things and somehow he has figured out those thumps means "Shell wants me" and he always comes running when he feels the vibrations. He's always been so so smart...and so so loyal. I remember the day only a few months ago that he stopped following me around as I got ready for work. I laid down on the floor with him and cried. He's my pal. He's my shadow. My ever present protector. He still follows me when he's feeling up to it. He still chases that Frisbee and leaps to catch it, even tho he misses most of the time. He stumbles when he
lands, he trips up the stairs and falls when he tries to jump into the car but he still sits me with... back against my leg - looking out to make sure nothing comes too close,that no one will hurt me. I try to prepare myself for the day he's not here but I don't think I can really prepare for the heartache his passing is going to bring. The day I brought him home, this little stinky scared little guy was THE best best best best day ever. You are simply the best Bud.
He's getting old. He will be 13 this year. He can't hear me anymore. We communicate by hand gestures that I taught him as puppy in anticipation for the day when his world might so silent. He can't hear me call his name so I bang on things and somehow he has figured out those thumps means "Shell wants me" and he always comes running when he feels the vibrations. He's always been so so smart...and so so loyal. I remember the day only a few months ago that he stopped following me around as I got ready for work. I laid down on the floor with him and cried. He's my pal. He's my shadow. My ever present protector. He still follows me when he's feeling up to it. He still chases that Frisbee and leaps to catch it, even tho he misses most of the time. He stumbles when he
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| Sandy Hook Beach, Our Favorite place |
lands, he trips up the stairs and falls when he tries to jump into the car but he still sits me with... back against my leg - looking out to make sure nothing comes too close,that no one will hurt me. I try to prepare myself for the day he's not here but I don't think I can really prepare for the heartache his passing is going to bring. The day I brought him home, this little stinky scared little guy was THE best best best best day ever. You are simply the best Bud.
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| At my feet,always... |
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