It's your day.

 7 years ago was our day. The only day I got to hold you the only day I got to see your face, touch you and admire how perfectly perfect you were. You never got to feel my touch, never felt my kisses but I know you felt my love. From the very moment you were created and for all the days I carried you,you were loved. Today is your day. Our day. The day. The day we met. The day we said goodbye. Today is your birthday. 7 years sweet girl. Happy birthday in heaven.

Letting it go

I don't know how to put into words how grateful I am for this life I have - I'm so very glad it's not the other one. History repeated itself over and over and with me it would have been no different. Such a fool I was. The worst part is I created you on purpose Ruth knowing in my heart our future would never be the one I envisioned. Your daddy never would have stayed Ruth. He didn't for his other children and he wouldn't have for you. I wanted you so much that I made myself believe he did too but what he wanted wasn't us baby girl. This is how things were meant to be. And this is how I need them to be. You forever in my heart and my heart forever kept safe with someone who has no conditions with which he loves me. He just does. I have held onto to my "history" since I was 11 years old. Now I want to let it go. I don't want to know that person anymore. First to go will be the box. The box of every card every note sent with all those bouquets of flowers. The ticket stubs the play bills. The memories of that life I wish never was. I thought I'd burn it in a fire pit but then I decided that was giving too much "ceremony" to something that deserves no ceremony. I do not want any part of that life in my home with my complete happy life. Now I just have to find the box and a trash bag to stuff it in. Exceot for my love for you sweet girl, I am ridding myself of every part of it. I'm letting it all go.

You were there

While driving home from work today I was thinking about the day I crashed my jeep and the events leading up the crash that day. I suddenly had a flat tire while I was driving to who the hell knows where. And then I hit the pole. When I went to go see the car afterwards - at the place they had towed it to I saw that I not only had one flat tire but two. Both tires on the passenger side. It slowed me down. But how did I get two flats? One was clearly damaged. The other - fine, intact. No punctures,no holes. You slowed me down. You were there. You are always here aren't you?  Thank you Angel girl, for being there ... so I can be here. In this place that I waited my whole life to be. I love you. To the moon and back.