Here we are - it's your birthday once again. Today marks 5 years since you were born & grew your angel wings. I slept through the night last night and woke up feeling very guilty. Every year on the night of your birthday I stay up and make sure I see the clock hit the moment you were born. This year tho, I slept.and when I woke up I felt guilty that I missed that moment. Then this afternnon I fell into a puddle of sobs and tears in my car.I didn't need to see the clock to have my heart feel that pain all over again. It doesn't matter the date or time the time sometimes it just comes in a wave so strong it takes me out at the knees. It was that uncontrollable sob that comes out no matter how hard you try to hold it in. It was an intense, hard cry. And then it was over. Just like 5 years ago. I thought about your Daddy today and wondered if he too went out and bought you balloons and sent your gifts up to the sky. He is the other half of you and I hope you watch over him too.
You were so wanted. You are so missed. You are so loved Birthday girl.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Mother's Day
What really makes a Mother? Seems not everyone agrees on what a mother is. I can tell you this , I AM a mother. I may have been robbed of the privilege of caring for my daughter and raising her into adulthood but once there is life that you sustained no matter for how long you are a mother. Sometimes woman become mothers to children that they didn't give birth to. Sometimes woman never get to meet and old the life that was once within them but we are all still mothers. Most of you have been blessed to be able to keep your children with you but don't undermine the love and feelings the rest of us have. Don't brush us off on Mother's Day or ANY day with remarks like "if you had kids you'd understand" or "you're so lucky your life is so easy/uncomplicated w out kids". I will trade my "easy" life for your hard complicated crazy life any day to be able to have my daughter here.
Mother's Day was hard this year. It really doesn't get easier with time.
Mother's Day was hard this year. It really doesn't get easier with time.
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