I don't know how to put into words how grateful I am for this life I have - I'm so very glad it's not the other one. History repeated itself over and over and with me it would have been no different. Such a fool I was. The worst part is I created you on purpose Ruth knowing in my heart our future would never be the one I envisioned. Your daddy never would have stayed Ruth. He didn't for his other children and he wouldn't have for you. I wanted you so much that I made myself believe he did too but what he wanted wasn't us baby girl. This is how things were meant to be. And this is how I need them to be. You forever in my heart and my heart forever kept safe with someone who has no conditions with which he loves me. He just does. I have held onto to my "history" since I was 11 years old. Now I want to let it go. I don't want to know that person anymore. First to go will be the box. The box of every card every note sent with all those bouquets of flowers. The ticket stubs the play bills. The memories of that life I wish never was. I thought I'd burn it in a fire pit but then I decided that was giving too much "ceremony" to something that deserves no ceremony. I do not want any part of that life in my home with my complete happy life. Now I just have to find the box and a trash bag to stuff it in. Exceot for my love for you sweet girl, I am ridding myself of every part of it. I'm letting it all go.
