October 15th

October 15th. National Pregnancy and Infant loss remembrance day. Statistics show 1  in 4 women have suffered from pregnancy or infant loss. I'm part of that statistic. WE are part of that and today as I realized the date  one of the waves came crashing in hard. No warning. Just took over me and here I sit and sob. Oh baby girl, I wanted  you so badly. Just a few moments. If I just had a few moments to hold you while you were still here. While  you could feel my arms holding you. While you could hear me tell how much I love you. How much I'd miss you and how sorry I am for anything I did that caused this. I'll honor you today and love  and miss you every day my sweet Baby Ruth.

Eight.

They say eight is great,but it doesn't feel so great. I don't think it will feel any differently no matter how many years go by and I don't want it to.  Feeling the pain of losing you is a reminder that you were here, you did exist. Eight. Happy 8th birthday sweet baby girl.

Peridot

I got your birthstone ring today. Finally! I have been wanting one for so long. I am not sure what kept me from getting one but because of  some recent issues with my hands I am no longer able to wear my wedding ring so to replace it with your birthstone ring felt right.

It's green and it sparkles - I am sure your almost eight year old self would love  how it shines and glitters.  Peridot for my girl. :)