Today is the last day of another year spent without my girl. Maybe this new year will bless me with her little brother or little sister. So many people are happy to see this year go,having had a difficult time these last 12 months. For me though, these last 12 months have held the changes that I needed. This was a good year for me, unlike the previous two. 2012 holds so much promise, I hope I am not disappointed.
Contentedness (is this even a real word) has finally found. Everything feels safe and normal again. I am happy.I love living here, I think I have finally found a place to call home again. Not a place chosen by default due to it's location but a place chosen because I loved it, because it spoke to me. I am by the ocean with a constant salty sea breeze (surprising since I am a mile or two away) and big open sky, I have found peace. As Jimmy Buffett says " I have found me a home". There is love here like I've never had. I am not filling a need or just sharing space. I am not worried. Yes, at long last, my heart is content.
In 2012 I plan on focusing on my health so I can get off all these pills. I am currently taking 15 a day to manage my colitis which put me in the hospital for 6 days earlier this month. It was brought on by a severe cold- not stress as has been the case in the past. I need to make it a priority as I never have before. I didn't admit it anyone but I was really nervous when I was kept in the hospital for so long. Amazing what a good scare can do to change your ways. This year I also want to be the year I get to give Ruth a brother or sister, going to focus on that too. While that is not something I can control I think I have finally decided that yes, that is what I want. I am afraid for so many reasons but hopefully I will be able to get passed those fears and have another baby. Time will tell what this year holds. Happy New Year to my Angel in Heaven.
