Waves...

Happy Easter. Happy Aprils fools. Today was the first Easter in my life that I wasn't with my family. And only the second Holiday I have ever spent away from them...the first one being Thanksgiving 2009. I didn't feel I had anything to be thankful - that was also the day your Daddy told me that he didn't like me anymore. That I was too sad and if I didn't get over it we'd break up.  Pretty sure he already had a plan at that point but that doesn't really bother me anymore because  life is as it should be... despite the waves. Today was a big one. Last night before I feel asleep I was watching TV and a man told a story of his baby that was stillborn. That was all it took to enter into my sub conscience and make the dreams come,which lead to this mornings waves. I tried to keep in  but the  sob escaped and I finally just gave in to it. I will never be ok  that  we didn't have a funeral for you. I will never get over the decisions I made in the midst of my brokenness that day. Why didn't anyone counsel me? I was devastated,BROKEN and they just said "Ok"  I know I have said it before, but I am so very sorry. I'm sorry doesn't come close to making up for it but I hope you understand. Happy Easter sweet girl. Loving you and missing you always.