Life goes on

Friday  September 4th was  a full moon. The last full moon was August 4th, Ruth's birthday. This time the moon wasn't pink like Sarahs picture, a reminder that life goes on. And it has but it seems so wrong. I am supposed to 27 weeks pregnant today but instead I'm 34 days empty today. At least I know  now it wasn't my fault. It was in fact an abruption but not as a result of something I did or didn't do. I got the answer to my "Why". This is all I really needed to know, it was NOT my fault.

 I miss her. I look at her pictures every day and I am amazed  at how teeny tiny and perfect she was. Why am I so sad right now? Why can't I stop crying? I have been doing SO well. It just hits me sometimes that my little girl died,my baby was born sleeping. There are so many of us out there,mommies and daddies of angels. You think stillbirths are uncommon but they happen every single day it is not at all a rare occurance. The Dr. says I have a 20% chance of this happening again because I know have a "history". Willie,being the glass is half full type  sees this as an 80% chance  of things being fine. I can't get myself to think this way though. I have never really been an optimist now optimisim seems even harder to find. I will have to keep searching I guess.