December 14,2012

Shortly before 11 Friday morning, December 14th I woke up to a phone call from my sister crying. I bolted up right at the sound of her tears.  Her first words were "PJ is OK" I had no idea what was happening and replied 'What Happened??' There was a shooting at PJ's school. And so began the most horrific day,but not for my family. My family was spared - just barely. PJ's class was directly across the hall from the two classrooms where the lives of 20 innocent children were lost. He was safe by a number of feet, 20? 30?  I do not know the exact number but what I do know is that the shooters decision to enter the classrooms on the left instead of the right spared Pj's life. I drove to CT. I had to see Pj, to hug him to tell him I love him tons. I stayed all day and before he went to bed he said he hoped he wouldn't have any bad dreams that night. I was hoping the whole thing was a bad dream but the sun rose today and it's all too real. My nephew could have been murdered yesterday. He wasn't. He is ok. He is here. The relief is tremendous, the guilt for feeling that relief is tremendous. The amount of tears is tremendous, the pain in my stomach the disgust the anger the heartache - tremendous.Ruthie girl, were you there? Did you and Uncle Rocky and Nana and Pj's grandpa hover over him and shield his classroom? I want to believe that. But where were the other children's guardian angels? Why weren't they there?  Earlier in the week Sarah's husband and two of their kids went to the mall to see Santa. There was a shooting there. They too are ok. Four people I love within three days of each were in the presence of a gunman. I don't even know how to describe what I am feeling. My heart aches for the families whose lives have been forever changed. My blood boils with fury at the gunman. My head hurts from crying but PJ is ok. Thank you a million times over to his teacher and all that kept him safe.